In this blog post I will continue to talk about mood and the effect it has on our ability to have a balanced life.
The information below is from a handout from the resources section of the Pain Management class I took. They are framed for and have examples for people in pain, but after each section I put in my own two cents and add a few non pain-related examples. I have decided to keep the entire section as it is, because even though I may use different words from the section headings when I work with clients, they convey the concept well.
CATASTROPHIZING: Imagining the worst possible outcome of any event. Example: “I’m probably going to have to get surgery now!” Positive Framing: “I am experiencing a flare-up, I will feel better after a day or two of rest.”1
I find that often the way we perceive things becomes the difference between seeing them as mountains or molehills. For example, those who are running the pattern of overwhelm are often unable to break down big projects into smaller sections or think that everything needs to get done today! They may think they have to do everything they can to change themselves today or do everything perfectly. Instead we need to see things from a different perspective, most often letting go of the emotions that are making situations appear to be bigger than they are. Or, in the case of overwhelm, we need to shift out of unrealistic expectations of self or others.
POLARIZED THINKING: Viewing everything as black or white, good or bad; not seeing any gray areas. Example: “If I can’t bike like I used to, I am never going to do it at all.” Positive Framing: “I’m not as good at riding my bike, but at least I can still ride.”1
I sometimes use the example of a swinging pendulum and being stuck in one extreme or another. For example, someone may have had a situation where they were hurt. So instead of opening their heart, they go to the extreme of staying away from forming meaningful relationships that require a heart connection or they stay on a surface level with others so as to not get hurt again. They don’t release the emotions causing the broken heart, and so they don’t allow themselves to live a life full of positive, uplifting relationships. Releasing the emotions and energy around the situation can allow the person to move forward and create fulfilling relationships.
FILTERING: Focusing only on the bad and ignoring the positive in situations. Example: “Why am I still in pain? Nothing good ever happens to me.” Positive Framing: “I may have never joined this wonderful book club if it weren’t for the pain.”1
The situation we are all in at this time is a perfect example of this! Instead of focusing on the things we can’t do or don’t have, we could be focusing on the things we are learning or doing because of this situation.
“SHOULD” STATEMENTS: Beating yourself up for not doing things the way you think they ought to be done. Example: “I should be able to clean the house or mow the lawn like I used to.” Positive Framing: “I don’t need to complete everything today. I will do a little each day until it is done.”1
This is such a huge one! It has a big effect on our Solar Plexus chakra, which then eventually affects the organs governed by the solar plexus, which are the biggest part of the digestive system! I like to think of them as the dreaded “coulda, shoulda, wouldas.” (That is what my intuitive cranial sacral teacher, Andrea Carver, called them.) That way of thinking gets into expectations which I could probably write a book about. This also gets into the never-ending lists of things that never seem to get done. Focus instead on seeing what you have done each day. Some days that is just getting out of bed, and others it is getting a lot accomplished. But mostly it is somewhere in between.
OVERGENERALIZING: Believing that what happens during one event will happen in all future events. Example: “I tried that breathing exercise before, and it failed. Trying again is pointless.” Positive Framing: “Maybe I missed something with the breathing exercise. I am going to try it again.”1
This is also a big one! This one falls into the category of our patterns and our past programming. So much of what we experienced as a child or were told as a child can frame how we live the rest of our lives. Beliefs such as “I am not enough” or “I am not successful” can keep a person from truly living up to their potential! T3 or Intuitive Cranial Sacral are both wonderful ways to identify and release these patterns or beliefs so new ones can be created.
BLAMING: Blaming yourself, other people, or something else for your pain. Example: “It’s all my coworker’s fault that I got hurt.” Positive Framing: “Accidents happen to everyone.”1
CONTROL FALLACIES: Believing you have no control over your own situation. Example: “If this doctor doesn’t fix my pain, there’s no hope!” Positive Framing: “I’m going to ask my doctor what I can do to reduce my pain.”1
Blaming and Control Fallacies fall under the category of giving away our control, or giving away the responsibility we have of owning our own choices. Things happen and sometimes people are not nice to us or do horrible things, but it is how we react to these situations that creates our mental attitude for that particular moment and in the future. We always have a choice of how we will handle a situation.
MIND READING: You make assumptions about what other people are thinking about. Example: “The way she looks away when she speaks to me . . . she doesn’t care.” Positive Framing: “She looks distracted. I am sure she has a lot going on in her life.”1
We have no control over what anyone thinks or doesn’t think about us. That is just a fact! We can be perfect and someone will not like it. It is really none of our business and leads to judging. We haven’t been in their shoes or had their experiences, so we have no right to judge. Again, it goes back to choice and whether I choose to react or to respond and being compassionate and giving others the benefit of the doubt.
In the resource above, they use the word “reframing” or “positive framing.” This is basically changing the negative thoughts to positive ones. Below are a few tools you could use to do this:
One is called the “notebook method,” and it was taught to me by my Intuitive Cranial Sacral teacher as well. To use this method, you need two notebooks: a black one and a white one. When you have a negative thought, you write it down in the black notebook with the intention that you are letting it go as you write it. Then you write two positive reframes in the white notebook. This brings the new positive thoughts into the forefront of your mind and changes your thoughts to positive ones.
The next tool I learned from a book written by Christiane Northrup. When you have a negative thought about yourself or something you have done, you then reframe it into a positive thought like they have done in the examples above or put the thought into a new light and say, “What a great job I just did of spilling that milk! I got it all over the floor and everything!” The important thing is to be aware. Northrup says, “Whenever you catch yourself doing something right, pat yourself on the back: ‘Today I spent 15 minutes meditating. I love that I took the time to do this for myself.’”2 The important thing is to be aware and STOP when the negative thought comes in and change it!
The most important thing to remember is that none of us are perfect and that we are going to have negative thoughts. But when we are aware of them, we can use the tools above to change them and can choose differently the next time! The more you make different choices, the faster new neuropathways are formed and positive thoughts or choices become the automatic response.
At all times of our lives, especially right now, finding balance is so important! The more we can stay positive and have gratitude, the more we have the desire to do the things that keep us balanced. Our mental-emotional state is also a huge factor to our immune system health!
- https://www.oregon.gov/oha/HPA/dsi-pmc/PCT/Mood_Mindset_FINAL_.pdf
- Christiane Northrup, M.D., Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath’s Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power (Hay House, 2018), 108.